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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about work relationships, are they transactional and superficial, or can they evolve into something much deeper and longer lasting? And no, I’m not talking about office flings, though I do know a couple of people who met their future spouse at work (I also know one whose marriage ended because of an office relationship, but let’s not go there). What I’m talking about is real friendships relationships that stand the test of time and transcend the workplace.

There’s been a lot of noise recently on social media about leadership, motivational sound bites, quick-hit advice, and MondayMotivation posts. I’ll admit, I’ve contributed to that noise myself (guilty as charged!). But I buy into it all. Leadership is a huge part of work culture, but I often find myself thinking about what it really means when you peel back all the buzzwords.

I remember a piece of advice I got early on in my career, back when I was promoted to a junior management position (let’s say a few years ago). A senior manager pulled me aside and told me something that stuck with me, though not in the way he intended: “You’re no longer one of the boys. You have to distance yourself from your team if you want to be respected.”

Well, I respectfully disagree.

The photo above was taken a couple of weeks ago during a much-needed vacation. The four chaps in the photo (one of whom happens to be me) worked together back in the early 1980s and, decades later, we remain the best of friends. One of us, incidentally, was the CEO of our company. Even though he’s retired now, we still affectionately refer to him as “the boss” and we do so with love, respect, and more than a little bit of nostalgia.

Now, this man, the former CEO, wrote the book on leadership. Well, not literally (he didn’t, at least not to my knowledge), but you get what I mean. He was a leader who led from the front, no airs, no graces, and certainly no “bossitis” (you know, that overbearing, “I’m the boss so I don’t have to be nice” attitude). Despite his position, he wasn’t too good to jump in and help when needed. If a task had to be done, you’d find him right alongside you. Need someone to load a truck? There he is, elbow-deep in work. Cleaners needed help with the bins? He’d roll up his sleeves and pitch in.

And yet, despite his down-to-earth nature, I still remember feeling a bit like I was visiting the headmaster when I walked into his office. But, here’s the thing: he was always kind, supportive, and understanding.

I’ll never forget an incident where one of our largest customer procurement officers “summoned” me to a meeting. I knew something was off; it had to be a complaint. I don’t remember the exact issue, but I do remember the CEO offering to come with me. This was a masterclass in customer service and conflict resolution. He never took the lead from me. He never undermined my role. Instead, he helped me approach the situation with empathy, making sure I understood the customer’s concerns. We walked away from that meeting with a major order for seven additional instruments.

Here’s the kicker: success was shared across the company, and failures? Well, those were diluted, with no one to blame. I can tell you, that kind of leadership creates real loyalty. It wasn’t about hierarchy; it was about teamwork, mutual respect, and shared goals.

Eventually, I had to move on—ambition and career paths called. But even after I left, he remained my mentor, my sounding board, my go-to for advice. Over the past 40 years, what started out as “just work colleagues” has turned into genuine friendships. We still get together five or six times a year for dinner, and we even spend a week away together on vacation.

And here’s what’s interesting: his kindness didn’t diminish his authority. His “one of the boys” approach didn’t removerespect. In fact, it did the opposite. He created a culture where everyone felt valued and success was shared across the board. It wasn’t a simple boss-employee relationship—it was, and still is, a true friendship.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve achieved the same level of leadership. But, if I’ve inherited even a fraction of what he taught me, I’ll consider it a win. I’d like to think that the people I’ve worked with saw me as someone they could trust and even call a friend (though, ultimately, that’s for them to decide).

One thing I’ve learned over the years is the importance of maintaining relationships with people you’ve worked with. I try to stay in touch with as many former colleagues as possible because I’m genuinely interested in what they’re doing now. I constantly find myself asking, “What would the boss do in this situation?” How would he have handled it?

He often said that leadership isn’t difficult. But it seems that for some senior managers, it is difficult. I’ve seen too many leaders who only want sycophants around them—people who will agree with everything they say, keep their heads down, and act as scapegoats when things go wrong. Meanwhile, they take all the credit for the successes of others.

Let’s face it: some work relationships are purely transactional. You’re colleagues, you get the job done, and you move on—no hard feelings, but you probably won’t stay in touch. But, along the way, I believe there’s always the potential to forge deeper connections. And when leadership is done right, it can evolve from a simple professional relationship to a lasting friendship.

So, I’d love to hear from you—what about your experiences? Have you made lifelong friendships with people who were once your seniors? Or have you had a leader who became a mentor and friend long after the office door closed?

Let’s start a conversation. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

References

Harvard Business Review. (2015). What Great Managers Do. Harvard Business Publishing.

Goleman, D. (2000). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.

Kotter, J. P. (1990). A Force for Change: How Leadership Differs from Management. Free Press.